Friday, January 19, 2007
Don't Want to be Another Bitter Infertile
I never thought I would get to the point where I felt resentful everytime I found out someone I know of is pregnant. But here I am. What a suck-ass feeling. I feel like such and asshole for feeling this way too. It's getting so old! Seriously, I've probably written a variation of this post 10 times before. I'm really trying to keep a positive attitude, I'm taking my anti-depressants like a good girl, changing my protocols to make me more fertile, whatever. In fact I'll be trying out a new gluten-free diet for a month or 2. When I mentioned my psoriasis in a previous post, a commenter mentioned that the psoriasis could be linked to my infertility. So after doing a bit of research, if there is a connection to my psoriasis and infertility, it's most likely due to (probably mild) gluten sensitivity. It also is known to be linked to depression. But I'm very not convinced that this will be the answer. I don't know if anything will work. I'm seriously preparing myself for the possibility of never having kids. I have to. My options are too limited to think otherwise. Of all the people in my family, I never thought that I would be the one to not have kids. This is the biggest challenge for me...As hard as it is for me to believe that I will eventually have a successful pregnancy, I have an even harder time believing I will never be a mom. Telling myself that I'll never be a mom feels the same as telling myself I'm going to be an astronaut someday.
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6 comments:
I'm here constantly cheering you on honey. You can resent me anytime you want. :) I constantly look at myself and what I do and eat and think and wonder if it causes infertility. Will we ever know? Love ya lots. :) Will I ever quit it with the smiley faces?
Lucky for you this is a more recent development ;o) Just kidding. You're much to sweet and cool to resent. That's be like resenting iced tea on a hot day! And I love the smiley faces. :o)
It was me who left you the comments on looking into some of the other causes of your infertility. Glad you are seeking out the gluten diet, you will be amazed at how much better you will feel physically. I had one more thing to share with you. Have you looked into Acupuncture? Since you live in San Fran there should be plenty avail. We have a women here that has done amazing things with women who are suffering infertility. There is a book called "The infertility Cure" by Radine Lewis. It explains a lot about acupunture, diet etc etc. Worth buying. I have not read your blog long enough to know if you know of any problems you might be preventing pregnancy, but just thought that I would offer what little advice I have.
Good luck! Gluten Free is hard, but I do think you will see and feel a change.
I understand exactly how you feel about finding out that friends and family members are pregnant. It can be such a time of mixed emotions. But hang in there. Check out www.babytalkin.com for items to keep you positive while you're on your ttc journey.
First off, I missed delurking week entirely, and it's totally not because I don't love (to stalk) you whenever I have free time. *hugs*
As for jealousy...I get it. You need to take care of you, and every feeling you have is valid. No one can tell you otherwise.
Psoriasis and Infertility: There is a homeopathic flower-medicine called Thuja Occidentalis 200. I am taking it today. Have to be careful with the dosage, so best taken after advise of homeopath, do not self medicate. Look up "Hair Loss" post on abchomeopathy.com
Good Luck!
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